Reflecting upon the week
14 Jan 2011 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Week 2 of School
Volleyball
Being back spending more time with the girls in their training help me to see how much they have grown. Seeing the sec 1 girls in the selection, reminds me of the growth of my sec 2 girls. They come in not being able to throw the ball over the net, falling down while running backward and now they have become so efficient at it. It’s a pride of a teacher or coach seeing the changes in them and how they have made a different in their life with sports growing more confident. I’m excited to take the new batch of sec 1 girls but at the same time nervous for i tends to doubt myself. Guess it’s a learning process for me on how to coach these girls.
Math Class
This class has improved so much since last year, their attitude toward learning is a level up and they are starting to take more ownership in doing their HW. I’m touch as i always have a hard time collecting their HW last year and for the graded assignment their results are getting better. Mean they are listening and paying attention in class. YAY!!! Though at times, they still need constant reminder like all of us do to push themselves towards excellence.
Form Class
This is my greatest challenge for the year and most of them have short attention span. One greatest mistake was i got them to sit for three whole period, an accomplishment for them despite me wanting them to sit totally quiet. Looking back it’s too harsh for them. Funny thing is the way they speak, like the uncle and aunty shouting in the market place. Their loud voices and broken English, furthermore the demanding tone that they use that gets them into trouble with each other. HAhah… I wonder whether they speak like this at home or do their parents speak to them in this manner. Interesting!
Myself
I have been to harsh on myself setting high expectation that i can’t even meet it. Hey Girl, you are not perfect so stop try to be perfect. It’s ok to make mistake and learn along the way. Hahaha… Yes i’m an impatient lady to that beats myself down thinking that i need to be good at something before doing it but end up being disappointed and stubborn in doing so. One i get disappointed in failure, two stubborn to accept the failure. Haiyo…Leen!!! Lucky i’m writing this to remind myself and it helps me to give myself a space to breath.
That’s how i got sick today, spending too much time trying to be perfect and not having enough time to rest. Thinking and stressing myself every single moment on what i didn’t do and get scare because of it. Focus and think of solution!! NOT WORRIES.
Messy messy messy
01 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Unorganise!!!
That’s the word that i’ll describe myself now. I feel that i’m always thinking what to do next, everything gets stored up in the head and finding it is a problem.
1. Get is an organiser
2. Write my schedule down
3. Write down the things i need to do
I also need to start preparing early!!!! So that i can enjoy my holiday!!!
Home in the Lord
06 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Thank you Lord for moving in our heart that you teach me to love my family even more.
Lord, you have been moving in this family that test after test you have brought us closes and open the heart of my parents to listen about you.
Before i went to Hong Kong, i wanted to get out of the house so badly that the trip came at the right moment. A good break from home into a new place to find peace. Over at Hong Kong, the Lord showers me with love given by my relatives that i never met before and seeing how much my aunt & uncle wanting to give the best to Samantha. Makes me envy, it got me reflecting upon how much our Father in heaven love me and want the best for me.
He knows us inside out and he knew that i felt that i couldn’t find love at home, that now He used my extended family to fill in the gap and show that He cares. It really stirred up my desire to love my family. I want to love them and be love by them. However, once i got back to Singapore it felt strange to love them and i packed myself appointment with friends hoping to meet that need. Until thursday, it got so bad that I took a break from home though my mother was insistence that i come home but i couldn’t. I knew that if i went home i’ll breakdown. After spending a night talking through the situation with Belle, i decided it was time to let the family knew how i feel. It was tough as it’s not a comfortable thing in the family to express our feelings and thoughts especially after my sister’s depression. It’s not in my nature to tell them how i feel but i know that i needed to do so and explain to them why i stayed the night out. My mother knew something was wrong too.
That night i canceled all my appointment with a nervous heart not knowing what to expect, i poured my heart out to my parents who were very receptive. I feel that God has open the doors in all our hearts to listen and understand what each other was feeling. This is the first time in years that i’ve told my parent how i feel and it was a break through for me rather than a breakdown.
Reflecting upon it, even though God has spoken to me in Hong Kong that through the tough times something good will come out for the family. I was impatient in seeing how God can work and hearing from other to see a psychiatrist had me desperate to find a cure instead of running to Him. But thankfully through friends and books He spoke against the idea of seeking treatment as it was just a negative episode running in the mind.
I realize that whenever i spend less time with God, more fears comes into my life and it works like a downwards spiral. A constant communication with Him will keep me my sanity, knowing that He has everything in place.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
The Lord will give us a sound mind but the evil will try to disturb it will thoughts of fears. Remember the promise of the Lord and be aware of the thoughts that we have.
“What you think is what you get”
The Psychology of Happiness
19 May 2010 1 Comment
Found this article on one of the blog and those who are looking for happiness, here is the answer!
“True happiness comes from within.”
True happiness comes when we learn to be content with what we have.
13 steps to a better life
What does all this mean to you? If money won’t bring you happiness, what will? How can you stop making yourself miserable and start learning to love life? According to my research, these are the thirteen actions most likely to encourage happiness:
- Don’t compare yourself to others. Financially, physically, and socially, comparing yourself to others is a trap. You will always have friends who have more money than you do, who can run faster than you can, who are more successful in their careers. Focus on your own life, on your own goals.
- Foster close relationships. People with five or more close friends are more apt to describe themselves as happy than those with fewer.
- Have sex. Sex, especially with someone you love, is consistently ranked as a top source of happiness. A long-term loving partnership goes hand-in-hand with this.
- Get regular exercise. There’s a strong tie between physical health and happiness. Anyone who has experienced a prolonged injury or illness knows just how emotionally devastating it can be. Eat right, exercise, and take care of our body. (And read Get Fit Slowly!)
- Obtain adequate sleep. Good sleep is an essential component of good health. When you’re not well-rested, your body and your mind do not operate at peak capacity. Your mood suffers. (Read more in my brief guide to better sleep.)
- Set and pursue goals. I believe that the road to wealth is paved with goals. More than that, the road to happiness is paved with goals. Continued self-improvement makes life more fulfilling.
- Find meaningful work. There are some who argue a job is just a job. I believe that fulfilling work is more than that — it’s a vocation. It can take decades to find the work you were meant to do. But when you find it, it can bring added meaning to your life.
- Join a group. Those who are members of a group, like a church congregation, experience greater happiness. But the group doesn’t have to be religious. Join a book group. Meet others for a Saturday morning bike ride. Sit in at the knitting circle down at the yarn shop.
- Don’t dwell on the past. I know a guy who beats himself up over mistakes he’s made before. Rather than concentrate on the present (or, better yet, on the future), he lets the past eat away at his happiness. Focus on the now.
- Embrace routine. Research shows that although we believe we want variety and choice, we’re actually happier with limited options. It’s not that we want no choice at all, just that we don’t want to be overwhelmed. Routines help limit choices. They’re comfortable and familiar and, used judiciously, they can make us happy.
- Practice moderation. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. It’s okay to indulge yourself on occasion — just don’t let it get out of control. Addictions and compulsions can ruin lives.
- Be grateful. It’s no accident that so many self-help books encourage readers to practice gratitude. When we regularly take time to be thankful for the things we have, we appreciate them more. We’re less likely to take them for granted, and less likely to become jealous of others.
- Help others. Over and over again, studies have shown that altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness. Sure, volunteering at the local homeless shelter helps, but so too does just being nice in daily life.
Remember: True wealth is not about money. True wealth is about relationships, about good health, and about continued self-improvement.
What the PERFECT PLAN? [His plan in my career]
10 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Jeremiah 29
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.
Lord what do you mean by a plan to prosper me with hope and a future?
That has been the question that I’ve been asking God this season. Especially, during the course of my 10 weeks practicum that He constantly challenge me to trust Him though at times it just so hard to do so.
He gave me the a chance to coach the volleyball team in the first 5 weeks in building up the foundation sec 1 volleyball team, over the weeks the bond with the team is formed and i’m like seeing my children learning to crawl, taking their first step to walk and starting to run. Very fulfilling and rewarding to see how much they have grown. However, coaching them means sacrificing time in other areas [my math] and it got me thinking about my job scope. I’m not a coach but a teacher and i cannot sacrifice my career for my passion. Thus, it’s time to let them go and give them back to the coach . I suddenly felt like a mother leaving my babies, fearing for their future as the coach and i have very different philosophy of coaching. Will he give them all a chance? Will my effort go to waste with his different coaching style? Similarly, at times of our life we question God in the same way, are you sure this is the best for us? Are you sure it will work out? I feel afraid of the future of my players doubting the ability of the coach and not trusting Him. No choice but to do so…
In life, do we doubt the ability of God because we can’t see how his way will help us. Therefore, we find it hard to trust him!
Posting was the other challenge, the vice principle urgently called me to immediately write a letter to MOE to be requested back. Earlier that week friends had told me that the principals already knew who got posted back to the school and on that very day the Principal met up with those who are going back. So why will my Vice Principal call me so urgently? Is it because they knew i’m not posted back? Thought of “what if” i do not get posted back keep zooming in and out of my head. It’s frustrating!! It seems like God is taking away from me things that are so dear to me, first my volleyball team now it’s the posting! God, Is this a sign to prepare me to say goodbye?
Though my mentor has already told me since last year that this may be coming. I’m prepared to go another school but at that time it felt so hard to let go! It’s the emotional attachment with the students and friends that had been build up over the weeks that seems too much to part with. I feel like crying every time i see my volleyball girls but have to hold it back till i get home. [pai seh, teacher image!]
God why is it so painful to let go? This week seems like the worst week, everything seems like crashing down on me, negative thoughts become too overpowering that it scares me.
I couldn’t take it anymore that i broke down and prayed “Lord if it is something you want me to go through please give me the courage to let go and strength to tie through this mental torture.” Come to think about it, Sometime i think too much, turning a small matter into something big and that is what the satan wants us to think. That the problem is too big for us or for God to solve But after being knocked into my sense the next day, i realize that what I can do I’ve already done and the situation now, i have no control over the matter. I can only wait and see, trusting him to send me to where He calls me to.
Verse 11 spoke about “the plan to prosper and not harm you.” The harm comes from SA Tan who floods our mind in time of crisis or situation, trying to deceive us and to make us feel like crap! Rubbish!!! Rebuke Him!
Focus on the Love the Father has for us to prosper, I thank God for the love through friends that he sent over my darkness moments with their encouragements and prayers.
This morning, one by one my friends got their posting and at 3pm i still haven’t gotten mine. His question for me was “How much will you trust me?” To me i was thinking : God, the wait is killing me!! Just let me know if i go to another school, i will still praise you knowing you have your purpose for me there, i’m ready to go.
Shocking!! After the roller costal ride, I’m back to St Hilda’s!!!!!! Overwhelm with joy! He’s saying for it’s not done with me yet here in this school.
I believe!!
Letting Go and Let God
13 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing, Training, Up the limit
Problems are like bubble floating in the colourful sky. It will soon burst and disappear! It's the colourful sky that will last.
Life has its up and down days.
Today i had both up to begin with and down to end off with.
Yay!! To the final observation by my NIE supervisor and his wonderful comments that encouraged me to strive to be the best teacher that change life. My friends were saying that he ate the happy pill today. A good ending to my PE practicum with his smile on his face. A totally different person today who bought me a drink as a form of reward/encouragement.
However, the down moment came during lunch when i had an urgent call to see the vice principal. She wanted me to write an email to request to be posted back. Initially, i didn’t think much but looking back at the teachers who got called by the principal to confirm their posting and he said that not everyone is posted back. Maybe they knew that i didn’t get posted back so they quickly called the HQ. Haiz… It’s a 50-50 chance so i have already prepared myself for this day to come but i guess it’s the letting go part that is hard. The Lord has been good to me, teaching me to slowly let go of my volleyball girls and maybe now if more is to come when it’s time to say goodbye. It won’t hurt so much.
I need strength to let go for my flesh and mind is weak.
Seeing my volleyball girls training in the hall, peeping at them from the stairs, melts my heart saying Lord these girls are yours and now i’m giving them back to you. That i know you are in full control of their life. I felt like crying at that moment remembering the tough time we when through and the fun times we laugh together. Miss you’ll my babies, may you grow strong in the Lord and be the best volleyballer that you can be. 
Bring out the colour of Volleyball
He Spoke!
03 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Ever run and hide away secrets of your life and one day a stranger came up to you with a word “Patience”. After that over dinner she shares her personal testimonies and there are the things that are clogged up in your life. Each situation she shares seems to brings hope that slowly unclogged the pipe to give you air to breathe. When she hits the bull eyes of the things that is troubling you, the balloon of water just burst and there is an endless flow of tears. How did this stranger know so much and spoke exactly the things that i’m facing.
Then i knew it wasn’t her, it was God knocking on my door, saying how long child are you going to run. I’m here with me all these while, why did you ignore me and run. Run back to me today and be safe in my arms. Sitting around friends from church that i hardly hang out or even knew but I knew i was loved!
I’m here at your feet, surrendering this life back to you. I can’t do it on my own Lord, i’m weak, broken and hurt. Can you mend this broken soul and make it whole.
Disappointment and Expectations
26 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
Ahh… Felt very sian after school today. One is that it revealed one of my weakness that pride is one of the thing that holds me back. Today i went to relief an enrichment lesson where the kids where doing hip hop, something that i’ve been always wanting to learn. A great chance to pick it up and learn with the kids but i was too shy that i’ll lose face and ma lu myself. Silly me of being frustrated with myself like this cause it’s always the thing that holds me back from doing what i want to do. Hey!!! Not like your image very important. Hack with it LEEEN!!!
The other thing that happen was i felt that i was lousy for not being able to plan a proper lesson plan and now i have to redo. I feel bad cause my CT had to correct almost the whole worksheet. I need to shake this feeling off! So contradicting cause i’ll been teaching my kids not to look down on oneself but here i am doing it. HEY DO WHAT YOU PREACH but no i’m sulking at my mistake.
Ok time to pick up the rubbish and make the streets of LEEN’s brain clean once again. Time to do damage control! FIGHT IT!!!
Classroom Management Advice of the Day
01 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing
When facing with 40 little monkeys, what do we do to get them to behave.
1. “Don’t shout, Just Stare”
The louder we get. the louder they get.
2. “Always be taller than the students”
How? Get them to squat or stand on a chair and stare down at them.
Time to be M.A.D
26 Feb 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing, Normal, Training Tags: Fun, MAD
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No Relief Lesson
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No Naught Kids
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No Remedial
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No CCA
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No seems like an ideal word
A new word i’ve learnt today, M.A.D, being a teacher we have to be MAD. We must be MAD to be in this line too. And i’m enjoying every single moment of it, I must be really MAD!!! Hahaha… Back home at my Hill, seems so homely and comfy to be back. Woo… the load is coming in one (subject), two (subjects), three (subjects + CCA), four (subjects+CCA+ relief), five(lesson plan to do). Ahh… But my volleyball sessions are my relaxing time to destress (clearing throat) Hahah… Loving it!
